Cedar Chest of Dreams

2010-12-24T16:57:00.000-08:00

Ahhh, I've had a relaxing day today. I'm off today and the next two days. Haleigh is going to call me when she wakes up in the morning and I've promised her I'll be right over to watch her open her Santa Claus presents. I've gone to the grocery store, expecting great crowds but was pleasantly fooled. I've cooked a squash casserole for dinner tonight with the kids. And it has been just a very quiet and peaceful day.
   My new store is going well. There are things I've got to change and people who have to get to know me and it seems that everything as far as equipment is concerned is breaking down all at once. But it is a challenge and the drive is wonderful.
So, here's wishing you a very Merry Christmas and a good year to come.
Maybe I'll get my heart back into blogging and maybe not but one thing is for sure. I'm happy to have a job, I'm happy to be here, I'm happy to be doing well.
Love,
Robbin

My Store

2010-12-06T19:16:00.000-08:00

Oh my goodness, I'm so excited to be home tonight before eight o'clock, I can hardly stand it.    I got home at six thirty!   AND.........I love my new store. Although it got a little hairy today since I opened alone and didn't know where anything was, I made it and at noon I got help and I love love love her. She was so eagar to please the customers and me! AND...........sales wise we did wonderful! I am so happy and think I've finally found a place I can stay.
   It's also a very free feeling being manager again. It means I can move things and organize things where it is easy to find things.     It is a pretty little store, set up different from any I've seen. I love it!
   So, I'm very happy and at peace. It's a good place to be.

Reason number 564.......

2010-12-05T20:21:00.000-08:00

.........why I'm so excited to start work in my new store tomorrow. Friday night it took me two hours to get home and last night an hour and a half. Time it takes to get home from my new store...40 minutes tops as long as traffic is moving. The highway I will take is not a big major freeway like I've been having to take so I'm very happy.
   My life has moved so fast lately, there's been much to tell but no time or energy to blog. Now that I'm working a little closer it could be I have more time of my own to do the things I love to do. Ok, you know I always am interested in the towns I work in and so I'm now working in Tacoma. And I'm always interested in who was born or buried in each town. There are numerous famous sports people who I've not a clue who they are but also Bing Crosby, Blair Underwood, and Dyan Cannon were all born in Tacoma.
   Also the lady which the movie Tug Boat Annie is about was a real person born there and her company Foss Tugboat is still going strong.
   The city has 200,000 people. But oddly enough the store that I'm taking over is not a high volume store at all. Not sure why, hope I can get a customer base. We have other stores in the city also and none of them do that great!
   On a good day one can spot a killer view of Mt. Rainier. There's an amazing Glass museum which Amy and Haleigh and I have visited. ALL in all I'm excited to be there.
The bad news is for the next two weeks I have limited help, my one major employee is taking not one but two weeks of vacation. Great timing. And so I'm pretty much on my own to start with. I'm sure that will not impress the Dr. but I'm lucky that they share Dr.'s with other stores and I know one of them, he was the Dr. I worked with in Lacey.
     The kids went and cut their Christmas tree right after Thanksgiving and bought me a cute little one which still sits over there not decorated. I think Haleigh is coming to decorate it for me one day this week when I get off early. I have no day off. But I'm hoping to be off next Sunday.
   And last but not least Haleigh performed in her annual Nutcracker this afternoon and she was just beautiful. This year her mom had a part too. Matthew and I stayed until after their scenes and then we snuck away and had dinner together and watched the Falcons play Tampa Bay.
   And last but not least, I killed my poor car with all the miles I've put it through for the past month. It was a 1999 Chevy and I've replaced him with a cute little 2001 Mitsubishi that is named "Mitzi". We hope she's a good girl even though you never know with used cars. At least I'll only travel around 70 miles a day instead of 112 miles a day, thanks to my promotion.
   So, that's all my news I'm thinking.   Life is good. For that I'm happy and thankful.
Have a good week! Love,
R

An Exciting Week for Me

2010-11-25T19:12:00.000-08:00

   I've had quite an interesting week. First of all I guess I'm what you'd call a "Fair Weather" employee since I've not been to work since Sunday. Well, I was officially off yesterday and today but because of our Early Winter Storm, I had an extended holiday. But I was also going to have the weekend off but since I lost so much time I feel obligated to work on Saturday since it was offered to me. Our temps got way way down in the teens but today it has steadily warmed up and tomorrow things should be almost normal. At any rate, I'm proud I survived our first storm and was able to stay home. Next time I may not be so lucky but we'll not worry about that now.
   The next thing that happened this week makes me very happy. I did well on the career assessment test and the District manager has found a store for me to manage and the commute is half what I'm doing now. Like Matthew said earlier tonight, it is the best case scenario. I get more money and drive less, in fact it is the very closest store there is at this time to where I live. I'm not sure yet when it takes effect, really soon I think. This is such a big deal for me.
   IT'S been such a long journey for me to feel somewhat like myself again. The job helps and the fact that it is a company I'm familiar with makes it all the better. I've worked some crappy hours, made pretty crappy pay, and drove all those miles but was so grateful to be back to work. And now I'm not far from being where I was before. I've never regretted quiting my job, I had to do that. I wasn't able to work, at least not mentally. IT was the right thing to do at the time and I'm so grateful to Matthew for allowing me to be able to do that.
Anyway, I'm rambling now but I am very happy and thankful this Thanksgiving night. I only hate that I don't get to go with the kids to cut a Christmas Tree!

My Very First Ever Snow Day

2010-11-22T16:47:00.000-08:00

We've been hit with a really early winter storm. In fact as I sit here at 4:30 in the afternoon the temp is 27 degrees and snow covers everything. I did everyone a favor today and stayed off the roads. I missed work. And I'll probably miss tomorrow too. It can't be helped. But I've gotten such a kick out of watching the snow today. It is dry fluffy snow for now and pretty as can be. I watched amazed as people sledded down the street I live on. I laughed at Sweetie who couldn't quite figure out what in the world all that white stuff was.
And...........I'm very close to getting my own store. I was offered one today but it is a bit too far from me and much to my surprise she said she had a back up plan for me so she is working on that. If that works out, my commute could be cut in half and I'd love that for sure!
The wind is blowing like crazy right now and it looks like a blizzard to me!

Where Ya'll From? Peaches & Cream Cottage & other things that make me GRIN

2010-11-15T21:30:00.000-08:00

My accent never goes unnoticed . Mostly my customers wait until we are done with our transaction and then they'll ask "Where does that accent come from?" There are those who try to guess and I usually give them three tries. Nobody ever gets it. The top three guesses are Alabama, Tennessee, and North Carolina. And then there are those who leave me with an ever so mild Southern Drawl of their own that they say is quite contagious. And then there are a few fellow southerners who came here through the military or to follow family. Those are the ones I share a kinship with and the ones who understand that "ya'll" is plural, not singular. I had a cute man today who said, "Let's see, where is that accent from, Brooklyn?" He was kidding me you see and he guessed Alabama and was quite taken aback when he found out he was wrong. It surprises me that Georgia is so often forgotten or not mentioned. Georgia the "Empire State of the South" as I learned in Georgia History. Atlanta is in Georgia for goodness sakes!   Oh well, it is fun to talk different from almost everybody around.
   And......Haleigh has wanted me to name my little house for some time now and finally she decided the name for me. "Peaches & Cream Cottage" because.........this tickles me to death!..........because the outside is Peach colored, the inside is all cream and I'm from Georgia, so there you go, a very smart grandchild I must say!
And last but not least, the district manager that hired me wants me to take a career assessement that all the managers have to take now. Could I be close to being promoted to management again? That would be nice for sure.
   So, that's all the news from Peaches & Cream Cottage here in the beautiful Pacific Northwest.   Hope your week is a good one!

DID YOU KNOW.........

2010-11-08T22:20:00.000-08:00

.......That I have a mountain view from my house?

Feeling More @ Home @ Work

2010-11-08T22:10:00.000-08:00

I don't really know why but when I first started working at the store I'm working in now, I had such a hard time. Everything seemed so hard. Everyone's problems were not simple or easy to solve. This store leads the district I think in managed care which is insurance. That is hard to say the least, dealing with that. People seemed unfriendly to me or indifferent. Slowly but surely things seem a little better. We had a super busy day today and I love that and it was pretty easy as well. I especially love easy. So, I'm not sure what it is exactly but I'm feeling better.
   My accent is always a topic.   One little sweet girl told me she "loved hearing me talk country", so funny to me. I guess it does stand out a bit. I don't mind.
   Tonight I was invited to go to the kid's for dinner. It was good and we had a nice visit. I remember when I was first talking about coming out here that Matthew so hoped I'd get work nearer than I have but that didn't happen. So we don't see each other so much but I know he is here when I need him and that is a comfort. I don't feel so alone in the world.
   And so, here I am, enjoying my job, not even minding the commute much, loving my little cottage. I am a little scared of the preditions of a very bad winter but I'll take it as it comes. Driving in ice is something I really don't want to do. Nor snow! (Don't you laugh my Minnesota friend!")
   Anyway, I'm tired but all is well. Hope all is well for you too.
Love,
Robbin

New Specs

2010-10-27T22:07:00.000-07:00

One of the greatest perks of working for this company has for me always been the fact that we get free glasses. I've not bought my own glasses for I guess 17 years now. I thought there for a while I was going to have to and I knew I'd never be able to afford the quality of eye wear that I've become accustomed to.    But the ones I'm wearing now, the ones that I got today are by far the most expensive ones ever. Prices have gone up it is true but technology has improved also and therefore I have the best progressive lenses available. I have the highest index possible which makes my lenses very thin. I have transitions, (the ones that change with the light)I have anti reflective coating and a completely rimless frame with rubber like temples that are so light weight I cannot feel them on my face. And the cost of these glasses had I had to buy them? Almost $800! I think they are the most valuable thing I own, I think my car is not worth much more than that! Very nice. I like them.
   I'm getting a little more comfortable with the people that are our customers in this store. They are different and more challenging than any customers I've ever experienced. The manager, (my boss), is a little depressed with the situation as the sales are down and she has tried for two years to get things going but nothing seems to work. I'm determined to try and help all I can.
   Friday Haleigh and I are spending the day together and that night we get to go see her mom in a play. I'm excited about that. I then have to work all weekend and all next week until Friday and I have three days off right in a row. That will be nice.
SO, that's all my news for now.

Meet Irene

2010-10-24T17:11:00.000-07:00

Irene is the newest addition to my little cottage. I'm in love with her. I didn't name her, she is Irene by Lazy Boy. Her color is crimson and she is one of their smaller models so she fits perfectly and as I said, I love her.
   Work is very interesting. As I've mentioned before the people in Renton Washington are a little different. I'm still finding my footing so to speak with them but I'm enjoying the challenge.
The commute is sometimes not so fun but I can live with that.
   Today I have been off and have been quite lazy but it is a rainy day and it is nice to be able to relax.
So things are going good, even if I don't get to see as much of Haleigh as I'd like, I think she and I are spending this coming Friday together so we'll make the most of it.
   Hoping you have a good week and I'll try and check in more often. My heart wants to write but by the time I get home I'm so tired. Maybe I'll get back used to working soon.

At Last

2010-10-11T16:47:00.000-07:00

I have a kitchen table and chairs. My kitchen cabinets are IKEA and so that is also where my table came from. I like IKEA. It fits and matches perfectly. And I love it. Looks very modern.
When I was young I longed for antiques and now that I'm getting older I long for more modern looks, go figure!

Wednesday is my Monday

2010-09-29T11:08:00.000-07:00

I worked all weekend and then I had Monday and Tuesday off and I'm back to work today. I work 1 till 8 which means I will get home after nine tonight.
It is a beautiful fall day here in Washington State today. The wind is blowing, the sun is shining, there is a tiny little chill in the air and everything looks crisp and golden.
After putting in a full week at the new store I'm quite happy there. The manager told me she was a little nervous when the District Manager put me there because her store has been down in budget for a while now. I assured her I was not there to replace her. I like her a lot. She is 35 or so and already has invited me to a Halloween party she is giving. She says she likes to play Martha Stewart and cook. Sounds good to me.
So, off I go to start a new week in the middle of the week. Haleigh spent a little time with me last night and then her parents walked over to get her and visited a little. I need more furniture, and a kitchen table. I only have a couch, but that will come in time.

A Little Tired but Happy

2010-09-24T22:00:00.000-07:00

Working in Renton is a little more stressful which makes me appreciate that I started off again in a slow paced store like Lacey. I wouldn't have been ready for Renton then. But I am now. The people are so diverse and that's the fun part. It is rare for a patient not to have insurance so I'm having to get used to that. We have a lot of Boeing employees, there are high income people and low income, there is a bit of it all.
Traffic for the last few days has been a little rough coming home but not too bad. For the first two days I missed my exit or made a wrong one coming home but finally I got it! All in all, I think I'll be happy here until I'm moved again.
I'm tired and still have two more days to go before I'm off for two days in a row so that will be nice.

The New Store

2010-09-22T08:03:00.000-07:00

I'm off today and I've worked in the new store for two days and I like it. The customers are very different, kind of yuppish, professions, in a hurry, that type. Sprinkled in though are people of all nationalities and walks of life. It is going to be quite interesting. My manager is cool, and my co-workers seem nice. So all is well with that part.
   Anyone who really knows me well knows of my disability of having no sense of direction. So, though for two days I've arrived there with no problem, coming home I've screwed up both times. I'm hoping by Thursday I can drive straight home without taking a wrong exit.
Today I'm ready for a day off. The new store has put a little stress on me that I hope I'll get over. I've had to learn where everything is and how this manager expects things. Her ways are a lot different from the way I did things and the way things were done in Lacey but I'll get it.
   I'm up early and have had some eggs and toast and am about to take Sweetie to the park for her walk. After that I'm just going to do a few chores around here and then not so much.

New Start Again

2010-09-20T08:34:00.000-07:00

I'm a little nervous this morning. I'll be meeting my new boss and co-workers today and I guess that is why. Also every manager does things a little differently and so I hope this one does things closer to the way I did things. We'll see.
The rain seems to be gone for now, it has rained all weekend, real rain, not typical "Washington Drizzle". It is nice to see blue skies and the sun.
Well I'll report in tonight with how my day went.

The Day I'd Like to Forget and Am Going to do SO!

2010-09-19T11:29:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was such a bad day for me that we're not going to talk about it, in fact in my world, September18th didn't happen. What is important is I'm ok, and excited to start my new store tomorrow. It started off raining this morning but the sun is shining brightly now. I think I'm going to take it easy and enjoy my day off.
Happy Sunday!

Goodwill Find

2010-09-17T11:41:00.000-07:00

I didn't even have any vases for my flowers so off to Goodwill I went and while there not only did I buy vases but I couldn't resist this little tea pot.

2010-09-17T10:53:00.000-07:00

Fall Flowers from an early morning special visitor.

Work on the Brain

2010-09-17T08:35:00.000-07:00

Last night's drive home was long and hard. It rained the whole way but most everyone was driving carefully around me and it is always the other person we worry about right?
I have two more days to work in the Lacey store today. No Dr. today and the manager is working but she will probably leave soon after I get there and I'll be on my own and I do work alone tomorrow. I'm hoping to make a trip Sunday to my new store just to make sure I know how to get there. It is about the same distance that I'm driving now and part of the way is the same way I go now but the route changes about half way.
It looks like I won't get a full 40 hours each week, somewhere between 35 and 37 but I do have the potential to make a bigger commission since it is a busier store and that helps a lot. I made over 200 dollars this past month in the store I'm at now and so that helps a lot.
I've made some special friends in the Lacey store customer wise. I've not told them I'm leaving and they'll probably ask what happened to me. The manager told me I wouldn't like the customers in Renton as they were all punks. I told her I liked punks too. She is still mad I'm leaving and has said all kind of negative things to me in kind of a tongue in cheek way.
The Dr. told me last night he hated to see me go as he thought I was a good influence on the girls there and that the customers liked me. I told him I would miss him and had enjoyed working with him. I hope my new store likes me as well.

And speaking of work, this is my new walk way my landlady made. I love it.

Not so Newsy

2010-09-16T10:26:00.000-07:00

I don't leave for work today until nearly one o'clock. I've been up since pretty early. I've watched a movie, walked Sweetie, taken a bath, had breakfast and coffee and still have lots of time.
I have this same schedule tomorrow.
I've no idea yet what my schedule will be in the new store. I hope the manager will let me know at least next week's schedule today.
My land lady was here yesterday and worked on a walkway from the driveway to the house. It turned out really cool. She is a hard working lady.
Very quite around here this morning, not much news. Hope your day is a good one.
Love,
Robbin

Look At This

2010-09-15T17:45:00.000-07:00

The first picture is one I posted a few years back just because I thought it was cool. It is an English cottage back deck. The second picture is my little deck. I'm going to try and make mine as pretty as this one. I just need the right chairs and table and watering can. I think I can do it.

Rain, Rain, Come ON!

2010-09-15T15:45:00.000-07:00

I've overheard different people say things lately about doing something or finishing something "before the rainy season starts." I'm kind of looking forward to the rainy season for although I love the sunshine and beautiful cloudless days, I love rain. I've always loved rain and even day after day of it never bothers me much. I'm not crazy about having to drive in it but other than that, come on rain. As a matter of fact, it is raining today. A soft rain.
   I'm off today, the schedule is strange this last week at the Lacey store. I go in at two in the afternoon for the next few days and then I work by myself on Saturday which will be my last day.
   Renton is about 13 miles out of Seattle. This is where my new store will be. One thing of interest I read was that Jimi Hendrix is buried in a cemetary there. That's cool. Ann Rule, the crime novelist lives there.
I am going to miss my co-worker Shayna. Although she is 21 years old and I'm ahemah 50thish........we hit it off really good and for that I'm glad.
Oh, I got to take Haleigh to school this morning as her parents both had to be at work earlier than usual. That was cool. I'd never done that before.
   Ok, I'm off for a nap, on this cool rainy day it seems to be the thing to do.

A New Store

2010-09-14T23:08:00.000-07:00

Well, my time in the Lacey Wa. store is coming to an end. The District Manager, the one who origionally hired me called me yesterday morning and told me I would be working in a store in Renton Wa. It is about the same distance that I am driving now, but it is a faster paced store and I will like that. My hours will be good and I'm excited. I will start there Monday.
The manager of the store in Lacey is not happy because she for some reason thought I'd stay in her store but I had told her from the beginning that I was just helping out while she was on maturnity leave.
So, that is how it goes and I'm happy, we'll see what happens next.

It's Monday Once Again

2010-09-13T09:26:00.000-07:00

Well, the weeks just roll by don't they? This week I will find out if I stay where I'm at in the store I work in now or maybe get to work part-time there and part-time in another store. I've no idea what will happen, we shall see.
   The little girl I've worked with these last few weeks made me feel so good the other day. She is only 21 and has worked with the company for a year. She never once resented me being there and as she helped me learn the things that had changed since I'd been gone I taught her things she'd not known. So she tells me the other day that she's so glad I came there and that she's learned so much from me. I know from experience it could have gone a very different way but she is a good girl and I've enjoyed working with her too.
   Every Monday I talk to my mom. She is fine. I mostly just listen.
Haleigh woke up, we had our pancakes which she made and sausages and then she was ready to go home. She did come back over in the afternoon to get her left over macaroni and cheese and got mad with me because I wouldn't drive her back home. MAN...........was she in a mood! And she's not even a teenager yet. I'm scared!
   SO, my weekend was interesting and it went way too fast but I'm ready to go back to work.
Hope your week is a good one.

Her Weirdness

2010-09-12T08:24:00.000-07:00

   Yesterday was exhausting for me. Haleigh came around lunch and around two o'clock after asking if she could paint my nails and I said no, she suddenly became unhappy here and decided she wanted to go home. Alrighty then. Her father was working and her mother was getting ready to go to rehearsal for a show she is in so it really wasn't that good of timing. After calling her mom, she left. Hardly said goodbye to me. I was a little stunned.
   Oddly enough I could also relate. I was like that as a child. While her mom thinks she is spoiled and just wants her way, I think sometimes she is just a little weird like I was. And still can be. It makes for a hard life at times and most of the time I am a people pleaser which is just as bad but I too can just decide I want to do something, whether it makes any since to anyone else or not. And I can't explain it.
   A few hours later she called me and asked if she could come back. I reminded her that nothing would be different and she might be bored or not want to be here again and she assured me she had just been tired and she'd be happy. I think she had it in her head that we were going out to eat and to a movie and after I'd told her we weren't she was just disappointed. Who knows but anyway, she came back, was as content as could be, we had supper, watched a movie and she went to sleep and is still snoozing right now, in her room, on the carpeted floor(I don't have a bed in there yet) with her comforter.   OH, we did have to drive over to her house to get a few stuffed animals last night that she decided she had to have even though she'd brought one with her. And there was a little discussion over where she'd sleep. She used to beg to sleep with me when I was living with her but over here she refused to and after being told she couldn't sleep on the couch since I was staying up later than her, she decided to sleep in her room on the floor.
   So......I'm not sure what that was all about and I'm not going to try and figure it out. I just know she gets her weirdness honestly.

Just a Lazy Saturday

2010-09-11T14:24:00.000-07:00

Today is just a lazy Saturday for me. I needed that. Haleigh is here and spending the night. She is satisfied right now watching the Disney Channel and playing on her DS. That is good for although I love her company I'm not much for entertaining her today. I'm hoping she'll learn that sometimes just being together is all there is and that she doesn't have to be entertained all the time. As she is getting older she is figuring that out.
   Next week the manager of the store where I work is coming back to work from maternity leave. I'm not sure what is going to happen to me. I was hoping maybe to work in another store a little closer but instead she told the other girl that I'm staying and our hours will be cut. The district manager that hired me is coming Thursday and wants all three of us there so I'm a little nervous. When she hired me she talked like she could work me in between the stores to have good hours until I ended up maybe with my own store again. I know I've got to wait and prove myself to them but I am hoping my hours won't be cut too badly. At any rate, I'm not going to waste much time worrying about it. I just know that I'll be fine.
   I live right by the park and this morning there was some sort of ceremony for nine eleven and about two hundred motorcycles rode by here. It drove Sweetie nuts. She's been jumpy all day but I had a good time watching them.
   I had planned to make pancakes and sausage for Haleigh and me breakfast and thought she'd be excited about that but she informed me she had pancakes this morning at her house. Oh well, you win some and you lose some. Maybe we'll just have cinnamon toast instead. She loves that.
   So, that's about all I know today.

2010-09-09T08:06:00.000-07:00

Well, the TV guy finally got here late late yesterday afternoon and I got TV. And Haleigh stayed with me until around ten as her parents went out to eat for their anniversary. The land lady didn't show up but the morning weather was not good although it turned out to be a nice day.

Dress up at Grandma's house. With my nightgown, my scarf and make up Haleigh becomes my Indian Grandchild and she is quite beautiful I think.

Haleigh's First Time doing Homework at Grandma's

2010-09-08T15:03:00.000-07:00

A Big Moment in Our World

The TV MAN COMETH

2010-09-08T11:01:00.000-07:00

My little Sweetie dog is usually a very adaptable little soul but she has yet to settle down in our new home. She constantly stares at me with that "I need to go out look" and has me so confused to whether she really needs to go out or she is just asking when we are going back home. It took her a little while too I think to settle into Matthew's house I'm thinking.   I'm sure she'll settle down soon. I hope.
   Well, I'm off today and so far no Land Lady but it has been sort of rainy all morning although it is clearing a little now. She'll probably show up soon. Haleigh is coming over after school as her mom has a dentist appointment. I'm excited about that and have some snacks I know she'll like and some chocolate milk just for her. She thinks the chocolate milk at my house is the best in the land but I remember anything I ate or drank at my Grandma's house was always wonderful. It makes me happy that she thinks the same.
SO, the Direct TV man will be here soon and then I can watch TV again. Or at least have it on.
I still have some things to find a place for so I'm working a little on that today.
    And someone I know and love is having a baby today in Illinois and I'm checking facebook every few minutes for updates. I'm so happy for her.
So that is my news for now.

Tuesday that seems like Monday

2010-09-07T10:19:00.000-07:00

I have to work today and then I'm off tomorrow and I'm ready to be off. After working the last three days by myself and with it being very slow, it tired me out. I'd love to stay home today but then I remind myself I'm so thankful to have a job that I will not complain at all!
   Tomorrow the Direct TV man comes and I'm glad. I've grown so used to having a TV around if only for the sounds that come from it. I've had some movies to watch but it will be nice to have the TV back.
   The Land Lady is planning on being here again tomorrow to work in the yard. This is the second time she has planned to come when I'm am off, although she doesn't plan it that way. It cramps my style a little bit as last time she painted the porches and I was kind of stuck inside. Well there is a side door I could go out but she had her stuff all over, it was just weird. So I thought maybe this time I'd have a day off on my own but no, she is coming to work on the yard again. And I suspect to make sure the Direct TV man doesn't drill any holes where she doesn't want them.
   Well, I'm all ready and got my lunch packed and I guess I better start my journey to work. At least I missed the early morning traffic so it shouldn't be so bad. Hoping you have a wonderful day!

My Baby is 31.....how'd that happen?

2010-09-06T11:23:00.000-07:00

Matthew is celebrating his 31st birthday today. I can't believe he is that old. TO me he is still a teenager. A teenager with a pretty dangerous job, but still.
   They have plans tonight so Amy, Haleigh and I celebrated his birthday with him last night. He grilled yummy steaks on the grill and I had a T-bone which is mine and his favorite. Amy made twiced baked potatoes and we had a salad. Because he is so hard to buy for I gave him money which he seemed to be proud of. He said it would buy him a hunting license which he is pretty excited about.

Amy got him a football game for the Wii which he liked also. Instead of a cake he asked his wife for a homemade apple pie. She had only made one once before, you can read all about it here.

SO this time it was just as yummy.  We know now that one time wasn't a fluke, she can make a mean apple pie and a wonderful crust. The only time or two I ever tried my crust was tough! It is not easy.

I'm working again today but the good thing is I get to close at three. IT is nearly 12 now, oh, only 11:30 but getting close. I'm hoping the traffic will not be bad yet and I can get home faster.
I've still got to find me a kitchen table so I can have my family over to eat.

      It is a rainy cloudy day today but that's ok, I like rainy cloudy days.
I just wish I'd have a CUSTOMER!

A SNEAK PREVIEW OF the INSIDE

2010-09-05T15:59:00.000-07:00

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Notice all the light there and the floors are lamenated and so easy to sweep, I'm not a carpet person so that worked out well. Especially with Sweetie hair! Matthew made fun of my Hot pink cushions but they were on sale and I loved them!

When you Actually Have to Work on Labor Day......

2010-09-05T15:23:00.000-07:00

..........is it "unlabor day?"
The only thing worse perhaps than working in an Optical Shop on Labor Day is working the Sunday before Labor Day. NObody is interested in glasses today. They are out there in the big store buying charcoal and beer and meat and hotdogs and buns, and well you get the picture. I am bored out of my mind. I brought my lap top with me as I was thinking it would be like this and it is!

Right in front of our store is always a display of some sort. I think it is stuff they are trying to get rid of, but usually it is odd things that is fun to watch the customers stop to look at and discuss or maybe even put in their buggies to purchase. Last week it was Pink Flamingo Yard art. Yes, that's right, for only $9 .99 you could be the owner of two Pepto Bismol colored plastic birds, complete with metal rods up through them so that they can stand erect and look so real in your yard. One of the workers out there told us he wanted to buy a set and sneak them in his neighbor's yard during the night! That would be pretty funny.
Today there is a display of Campfire Marshmallows. That seems pretty blah except they are twice the size of regular marshmallows. They are HUGE! Everyone who goes by has to stop and pick up a bag. I overheard one lady telling her friend that her husband loved marshmallows but he liked them to set out and get really stale and crunchy and then he ate them! Alrighty then.

So, when you're bored and not selling glasses, watching & listening to people discuss the current displays is quite entertaining.

Just this and that

2010-09-05T07:50:00.000-07:00

My internal alarm clock seems to be set at six thirty or maybe it's Sweetie's as most of the time I wake up with her breathing over me telling me she needs to go out...........NOW!
   I've been so busy, working and moving at the same time that it would have been nice to sleep in a little this morning since I don't go into work until noon or at least I don't leave until around ten thirty. But no, here I am, wide awake, sipping coffee and putting a load of laundry in.
   I was off on Friday and the land lady spent all day over here doing work on the outside. She does all the landscaping and the yard work, and that is fine by me! And Friday was also the first day that Haleigh came over to visit. It was so nice to have her visit and then we went over to her house and had burgers on the grill!
   So, things are still everywhere but I've spent the night over here four nights and I've slept like a baby every night. The neighborhood is quite, at least I never hear anything.
    Monday is Matthew's birthday but I think we are having his birthday supper tonight. I think they must have plans else where on Monday night.
This little house is so full of light! I like that. I hung a few pictures last night, and we still have got to get my dresser and the cedar chest over here. And then I'll be really moved.

My Little House

2010-09-02T22:39:00.001-07:00

I'm Home

2010-09-02T00:28:00.001-07:00

Fianally I'm here. Matthew moved my bed and some other things and I can at least sleep here. Nothing's in its place but I'm off Friday. I am so tired, it is after midnight but I don't want to go to sleep, I just want to look at my little house.
I'm home.

AT LAST

2010-08-31T23:31:00.000-07:00

The bad thing is it is also my long day at work. But my dear son gets off earlier than me tomorrow and he is going to move the heavy stuff and Amy is going to take some stuff over in her vehicle. I am determined to sleep there tomorrow. I am off Friday so I can get stuff put away then.
I took some stuff over tonight and unpacked the microwave and some dishes I had bought. I'll take pictures I promise!

I'm Just Thankful

2010-08-30T22:30:00.000-07:00

Nothing much exciting today. Traffic moved well going and coming today to and from work. Customers were a little weird but not so much. Juat a pretty uneventful day which is a good thing. I'm chomping at the bit for the first to get here and the thing is I have to work from opening to closing on Wednesday. But we can get some stuff moved at night. And I'm off Friday.
I am so thankful to have a job again. I'm never ever letting this go. I'm hoping to be able to move to another store a little closer and maybe get back into management so I don't have to struggle so much financially but for now I'm just thankful.
I'm also thankful for my son and my DIL for their love and support for the last year and almost a half. If I'd not had a safe place to land and to heal I don't know where I'd be right now.

Life Is So Expensive

2010-08-29T20:40:00.000-07:00

Ok, I've got the electricity in my name, (a big deposit I have to pay, OUCH!), ordered the Direct TV, using the family and friends plan which got me and Matthew 100 bucks off our bills.  I've called Waste Management about garbage pick up, and changed my address. And I did this all on line, I so love the Internet. I bought a $39 microwave from Walmart today and a broom and dust pan and a few odds and ends to set up housekeeping. I'm trying hard to stretch my dollars as best I can.

   Haleigh and I just went to the house to check on the progress she made on the house today and it looks to me like all she has to do is clean up and get her tools out. SO that is a good thing. I've not heard from her at all.

   I watched the Emmy Awards and now I'm about ready for sleep. Haleigh's parents are out tonight and she is suppose to be in her room watching a movie but that's not happening at the moment.
Grandma's a pushover.

So, Starting a new week but by next weekend I will be in my little house.

Poor Horse

2010-08-28T22:48:00.000-07:00

   Matthew helps out at the rodeo every year and he enjoys it so. He looks so handsome in his cowboy hat and boots. He loves it and was excited for me to go tonight. I love cowboys and horses and the barrel races and the bucking bulls. Wouldn't you know it that tonight a horse broke his back and they had to put him down?? Why would that have to happen tonight? I can't get him out of my mind and they didn't tell the crowd, they just hauled him off and the only reason I know is that Matthew had to tell me.
So I enjoyed the rodeo but my heart hurts for that beautiful bucking white horse. When he fell, the cowboy riding him was the first one to him.
   Tomorrow is Extreme Bull Riding and ESPN actually comes to Bremerton and it is on TV. I think I'll skip it, in fact, don't tell Matthew but I might not ever go to another rodeo again.

My New Hobby

2010-08-27T22:34:00.000-07:00

While I was not working and going nuts I decided that I needed to learn something new . I decided I'd like to learn to knit. My mother has crocheted for years and I even learned how to do that but I'd never really enjoyed it. So, I bought yarn and some needles and a book and with that and the Internet, I learned to knit. I got hung up on making dishcloths because they were quick and easy and the yarn for them wasn't too expensive so now I have dishcloths for my place. I made Haleigh a few hats and a scarf but since I've started back to work my knitting has been set aside. I think it is something that I will pick up again though maybe this winter and when I'm on my own.
I'd like to knit my mother a shawl, she'd like that. We'll see how it goes. For now I have bunches of dishcloths.

2010-08-26T22:00:00.000-07:00

The kids are busy at the Rodeo this week and I actually got home tonight before them. Tomorrow is my lonnnnnng day as I work 9-8 without a Dr. there and all alone. It makes for a very long day but somehow I get through it. Since for now there is only two of us working, it is the only way we can get the weekends off if each of us work a long day once a week. So that's ok.
I'm going to the Rodeo Saturday night. It is "Tough Enough to Wear Pink Night" to bring awareness to breast cancer and all the cowboys and helpers will wear pink shirts. I don't have any cowgirl boots, but I can wear pink for sure!
Anyway, my day at work was pretty good and I'm tired so to sleep I think I'll go! Not sure how I'm ever going to wait until the 1st of the month but it is coming pretty fast so I just have to hang on.

2010-08-26T08:39:00.000-07:00

Back to work today after being off yesterday. Today the Dr. is leaving a little bit early so my late afternoon until closing could be a little slow. I like it better of course when the Dr. is booked and we are super busy but this little store is seldom really ever super busy.
   Because I'm not the manager in this store and the manager is on maternity leave, I'm having a hard time not rearranging things, I was so used to being able to doing that. The back room is pretty much a mess and they never even vacuumed very much. I dug the vac out and cleaned it up and found bags for it and have been cleaning more and more every night.    They seldom see their district manager so keeping the store as clean as I am used to keeping one is not a priority with them. So that is all different. Customer service is important to them though so we share that and for that I am glad.
   After I got the key to my house late afternoon yesterday, I waited until the land lady was on the ferry back to Seattle and I went to look at the house alone so I could really look. She is still working on it so there are tools everywhere but I wanted to take it all in and find the light switches and look in the closets and well, just see it again. It is really cute. I can hardly wait to be there!

"NOT AGAIN!"

2010-08-25T23:41:00.000-07:00

Poor Sweetie got really concerned when she saw me packing up stuff today. The last time she saw me doing that we put her in a basket in a U haul and moved 3000 miles!
I think she'll like our little house. We still have access to the park that she loves and even a small fenced in back yard for her to enjoy.

I spent about an hour with my land lady today. She does almost all the remodeling herself and she does a good job. She is probably in her middle 40's. She also has two sons. One is off to college this year and the other is 13. She lives in Seattle and is a hard working woman. She owns 3 or 4 other houses here in Bremerton.

The Tacoma Narrows Bridge

2010-08-25T23:23:00.000-07:00

Everyday I go over this bridge, well they are twin bridges so I go over one on the way to work and the other on the way home. There is a toll but only for one way, thank goodness. Anyway, I have always loved bridges and this one is so pretty at sunset. It's my favorite part of the commute to work.

2010-08-25T23:01:00.000-07:00

The Key to my Little House

2010-08-25T08:36:00.000-07:00

Well as it turns out, I am going to sign the lease today and get my key to the house but I can't really move in yet as she is doing finishing touches on the paint and the grout and fixing a door and stuff like that, but I can start moving somethings in starting this afternoon, so YAY!
It was almost ten o'clock when I got home from work last night. We close at eight and it takes me a little over an hour to drive home but the Dr. had a late patient. It was ok, that happens and I still would rather work until closing than to drive through the five o'clock traffic.

The used Couch I found that we are picking up today. I took this pic with my phone but it shows the colors. It's a really nice couch for the price.

   Yesterday was the most beautiful Washington day. They say it is days like that one that hook people and they move and then find out those days are few and sometimes far between. No humidity, 70 degrees, little breeze, not a cloud in the sky. And then the night was just as beautiful with a full moon and a sky full of stars. It was breath taking.
    Today I'm off and it is promised be another beautiful day again. So I'd better get started. Haleigh is with me today as Amy just started a new Job today.

Pure Torture

2010-08-24T10:00:00.000-07:00

My land lady has put my move off from this weekend to the 1st. Granted it is only a few days and she says it is because she decided to tile the laundry room floor and a door needs replacing, I am still tortured. I am so excited to get there that it is pure torture to have to wait. And the fact is that I'm not off then but I don't have much to move and it is what it is, but STILL...............UGH!
My mom is sending me a box of kitchen gadgets so I'm excited about that.
I am off tomorrow and Haleigh and I are going to try and get some of my stuff ready for the move so I'm excited about that.
Matthew says this will be the easiest and cheapest move EVER!
SO, I'll take a deep breath and wait some more.
Oh, I'm going to a Rodeo Satuday night, excited about that too!

2010-08-24T00:36:00.000-07:00

Going back to work with National Vision has really saved my life and for that I will be forever grateful to them. Right now I'm working in a store where the manager is on maturnity leave. After she gets back to work, the district manager says she can keep me busy between her stores and maybe an opening will come about and I can get back into management. Not that I miss that part of it, I'd much rather be a sales associate but I need the extra money to really live comfortably. Anyway, it will be what it will be and like I said, right now I'm just so thankful to have a job. I've so enjoyed meeting the new customers. The people in Lacey Washington are very nice. They seem to be happy, friendly folks and they all try to guess where I'm from. Most of them guess Texas or North Carolina, but never Georgia. And they all ask how I ended up here and they are really interested!
The store does not do the volume that the store I left behind did so there is only one other girl and me working while the manager is off. Her name is Shayna and she is only 21 but she and I have hit it off and she is just so good to work with and we compliment each other just great.
The Dr. is an older gentleman named Dr. Archer and he is such a sweet man with a good sence of humor and I really enjoy working with him too.
So, my job is going very well with the only drawback being the commute but it is not so bad at all, I just leave early enough in case I get stuck in traffic. I work mostly from noon to eight so that when I get off traffic is not so bad and it takes me a little over an hour to get home. But it is an easy drive and for now I'm even enjoying it.
And stay tuned for news on my big move to my own place coming soon. I can't wait!

Starting from Scratch

2010-08-23T09:00:00.000-07:00

It's Monday morning and that means I call my mother. But some Mondays she works and I'm suppose to call her cell. And that means sometimes she is able to answer and sometimes she can't. This morning she couldn't I guess as I tried three times and never got her.
Since I'm working now, we have a hard time with that sometimes. And for some reason I'm not allowed to just randomly call her, she has to give me a special time. Who knows!
I am counting the days until I get to move into my little house. The lady renting me the house called it "a darling little cottage" in the ad. It is kinda cute. I have to start from scratch with furniture as I left everything I had in Georgia. So I found a really good used couch that I hope is still there at good St.Vincent's today. And a little round dining room table at Goodwill. It is kinda fun.
And so now I must start getting ready to go to work. And it feels so good to say that.

2010-08-22T22:38:00.000-07:00

I thought long and hard about just ditching this blog and starting a new one all together. I decided not to that because the journey to get where I've gotten is what this blog is all about.
The good news is that I have a job. I've gone back to work with the company I'd worked with in Ga. I'm working in a town called Lacey. I have fallen in love with the people in that town. And the second good news is I have my own little place, at least I will next weekend when I can move in. It is close enough for Haleigh to ride her bike over!
And so things are better for me. I love my job. It is what I'm good at and what I need to be doing. It is however a commute but sometimes you have to do what you have to do.
I've missed blogging. And now that I'm finding my way our of my "lost in time" period, I think I'm ready to start back on a regular basis.
So for now, that's it, a fresh start. And I'm ready.

On my Way to the Library.....

2010-05-12T21:35:00.000-07:00

...............I applied for a job. On a whim the other day I applied for a library card online. I used to love going to the library but got away from it for one reason or another. So, yesterday the card comes and in the info that came with it there was a sentence down at the bottom that said, "Interested in working in the Library? We are always looking for good people, check our website out for openings." So I did and there is an opening in the very library here for a page. I read the qualifications and decided that everything I was trained in as far as retail was concerned, I could relate to this position. I just had to find a way to point that out to them.

So I put together the application package which included an application from the site, a resume and a cover letter. I took the opportunity to explain to them in the cover letter why I am the perfect candidate for their job and delivered it to them today. They will call back for interviews. This is only a part time job but I am desperate and will take anything at this point, plus I really would love to work in a library and maybe it would lead to full time. You never know. AND......I checked out two books. Which is a good thing, considering I'm back into reading and I don't have a job to afford to buy them.

Jiggity Jig, All the way Home

2010-05-09T22:53:00.000-07:00

We went into Seattle to the market. Oh how I love to go to the market. Of course it was Sunday and it was Mother's Day so there were lots of people but that was ok. We still managed to see a lot of the shops and to buy good fresh organic veggies for a wonderful spring salad for supper. And it was yummy!

It was also the perfect day for the ferry ride. The mountains were beautiful, there were puffy white clouds in a big blue sky and the water was calm. We saw sea lions lying on the buoys but spotted nothing else much. It is always fun to watch the gulls as they chase the boat. And there were lots of sailboats out today. I saw one with a black sail! I've never seen that before, must have been pirates!

Anyway, it was a fun day. I love to see the street entertainers and all the different people you see in the city. We always walk by the very first Starbucks there was. There are bakeries sending out yummy smells of cinnamon. There are spice and tea stores. There a little shops full of old stuff you remember from your grandmother's days. Anything you can think of, you can find.

I hope your Mother's Day was a good one.

A Night at the Movies

2010-05-07T21:20:00.000-07:00

Haleigh's parents went out for supper tonight so at the last minute Haleigh and I decided to try and make a movie that was showing at 7:05. This was at 6:48. Guess what? We made it. It was only was after we got home that her Mom realized that Haleigh had slipped her pants on backwards. I never noticed. We'd made her change her clothes before we left as she was in her Punky Brewster clothes.

We both like the movie, "How to Train you Dragon", it was cute and very action packed so it kept your attention for sure. We also had a big barrel of popcorn and big drinks and decided we were full and that ended up being our dinner.

And so here we are back safe at home, me watching Dateline in my room and Haleigh in bed and her parents watching TV in the living room. All is well.

Haleigh is amazed by teenage girls. It is funny to watch her observing them and listening to them. We had to stand in line with a few to use the restroom and she was just in a trance watching them laugh and talk and interact with each other. I think I sort of remember being like that too. I couldn't wait until I turned 13. I guess that is just the way it is, we can't wait to grow up.

At nine I had an older teenage cousin that I adored. She as 14 and had 6 brothers and no sisters which is why I would think she paid me any attention at all. I spent a lot of time with her. She painted my face with blue eye shadow and navy blue eyeliner and pink frosted lipstick. She rolled my long hair up on orange juice cans. She taught me how to do the twist and the mashed potato. She introduced me to the Sonny and Cher show. She was my idol for sure. It is sad we lost touch when my parents divorced like I lost a lot of my father's side of the family. She'd be almost 60 years old. I can't imagine her being that old.

Oh well, enough of memories. I think I'll call it a night. Good Night.

53 & 1 Day Old

2010-05-06T21:52:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was my birthday. Three years ago I was really worried about turning 50 but now I'm used to being in my fifties. I'm an old hand at it you see. I'm a woman in my fifties. I can say that without cringing or anything. The sad thing is I feel all grown up. I don't think I ever felt all grown up until I turned 50. That's not entirely true. That little girl in me shows up every now and then, she's still there.
I got scented candles and a book and some dark chocolates. All my favorite things. I got bath stuff from my mother. I love that too. And we had chocolate cupcakes with cream cheese icing so I had a nice day.
If I can make it through the month of May I can make it through anything, so I'm on my way.
And of course I'm back to seriously looking for work which is not easy. But I have faith, something will come up, I just know it. I am due for something really wonderful and spectacular to happen so I am counting on it. I've been waiting a long time. I'm ready.

Cold Hands, Warm Heart

2010-05-03T17:17:00.000-07:00

I had to go to the post office today to mail a mother's day package. Also to the drug store to pick up a Rx and then to the bank. On the way back I found a little park that I'd been to once before and sat by the water (in my car, it is still cold here) and read for a while. It is windy today but bright and sunny and the water was pretty as it waved and shimmered. It was nice.

We are having sloppy joes for dinner. We make our own sauce to try and reduce the sodium and we use turkey meat so maybe we are having Sloppy Janes. Either way, they are easy to make and Haleigh gets veggies she just doesn't know because we use low sodium V-8 Juice in them.

It is still so COLD here. I've been patient but I am now ready for warm weather. Right now, please. Seems like my feet and hands are always so cold! Last year I think it was warmer earlier.

May used to be my favorite month, not so much anymore. Did I already say that in a previous post? Sorry to repeat myself if I did.

I've read three books in the last two weeks and that is the most I've read in quite awhile. I'm glad as I've always gotten so much pleasure from reading. It would be nice to be able to read again so maybe this will be a lasting trend.

Amy has finished her show last weekend and will take a break for a little while I think. She did back to back shows and her voice about wore out.

Matthew has rediscovered The A Team, a TV show from his childhood and watches episodes almost nightly. Brings back memories for me when two little boys loved it.

Haleigh starts her rehearsals soon for her play. And we soon have a dance recital to attend and the end of school musical they do every year.

And that's the news here.

2010-04-30T17:03:00.000-07:00

I joined an online group for parents of suicide victims. I'm not sure it is the place for me. I'm still reading through some of the posts and it is a little assuring that people have the same thoughts as me mostly. But instead of making me feel better, it really kind of depresses me more , I don't think I like it.

This weekend is Amy's last weekend to do "Cabaret". Her voice is about gone because the singing in this one is BIG and Brassy and she did do back to back shows. She went to the Dr. and he gave her pills to help protect her vocal chords so they won't be damaged.
It will seem strange to have her home on weekends, she's been doing this since Jan. I think, at least that is when she started rehearsals. She has had a good time but it will be good for her to
rest up.

Nothing much else going on, I have no big weekend plans. Last weekend I went to Seattle to a theater called The Fifth Avenue to see a play called "On the Town ". It was fun.
Happy Weekend!

Cooking and Reading

2010-04-29T16:54:00.000-07:00

Well, let's see. Today I read and read and researched to death how to cook a round bottom roast. I didn't want a roast to cook to death as in a pot roast, I wanted a "roasted roast" to slice thin and have with corn on the cob, sweet potato fries and slaw. I got a little worried when I read that this cut of beef was tough and tasteless but I did find recipes where people did them all the time and just like I imagine it to be. It is cooking now, so we shall see.
I'm also in the middle of a book that is really good. It's called Summer's Child and I bought it on a whim at the grocery store the other day. Not sure I'd be able to read, it is always a risk of wasting my money. But I'm glad I bought it, it is good.
I've decided I really like cooking for people. For so long there I didn't have anyone to cook for. I'm going to miss doing that when I do get my own place. No fun to cook for just yourself.

Another Day

2010-04-27T23:08:00.001-07:00

Tonight we had a special supper celebration for Haleigh who auditioned Saturday for "Cinderella" at a local community theater. Like mother like daughter. She is in the ensemble much to her dismay, she'd like to start at the top like she thinks her mother did. Her mother did not but it seems like to Haleigh she did.

I sent out a few resumes this afternoon. It would be nice just to have some interviews to go to. I just know things will happen as they are suppose to but with time on my hands I tend to think WAY too much. A friend of mine says I need to think, that I'm still healing but thinking causes me too much pain. I think I am going to have to have some help to get through some of the feelings I have. I'm going to give it a bit more time but I don't think my thoughts are moving in the right direction.

It doesn't help that May 22nd is coming. It will be two years since Jonathan died. It seems like just yesterday but the funny thing is the pain of his loss feels more raw now than ever. I guess the numbness has worn off. Grief is one of the strangest emotions I've ever experienced, it is unpredictable. It sneaks up on you just when you think you are handling things well. It
is unexplainable, you can't explain to someone who is not close to it too. It is lonely. It is hard. I don 't like it a bit but loss is a part of life sooner or later. But like they say, it is un-natural to have to lose one of your children.

Anyway, back to Haleigh. She wanted Spaghetti for dinner & so it was. I cooked and had it ready when she and her mom got back from dance class. She had fresh flowers on the table and real plates and the works! We had sparkling cider which I put on ice in a bucket and she asked me if that's how they did it in the old days. HAHA, very funny. I guess she thinks I lived before we had refrigerators. She thinks I'm quite elderly you know. And then for desert she and her mom went and got ice cream cup cakes from Stone Cold Creamery. Very sinful they are!!! She was cute, enjoyed herself immensely. I know she'll have fun doing the play. Can't wait to see it. So glad I'm here to see it.

And so, life goes on. Day after day, life goes on............... thank goodness.

Here I GO Again

2010-04-26T12:26:00.000-07:00

Well, I took such a long time off from blogging, I'm not sure I still know how. Oh, well, I'll try. Writing has always helped me sort through things and that's what the blog does for me. I wasn't sure I'd blog again, and who knows, maybe I won't for a while after this one but I feel the need to write so here goes.
I'm so confused. Of course I've been confused most of my life but this confusion came to me quite unexpectedly and I can't seem to get over it. It bothers me. They say time heals all things but I am not sure I buy that.
People told me all the time how strong I was to get through that terrible year of 2008 but I did not come from it unscathed. And the question is, the big question I have is this, am I shutting myself down or can I not help it? Who is this person that looks like me but doesn't think like the old me or feel like the old me? Will I never be who I was and if not, who am I?
Ok, ok, I'll explain in more details.
NOTHING excited me, makes my heart go thump thump, makes me feel so happy I could burst. Sometimes I get close. Like back last winter when we saw the big gray whale right here. I almost get excited when I go to Seattle, I love the city and all the noises and people and all that is going on there but still, almost it gets me going, but not quite. I just need to FEEL! And there is the question, am I deliberately making myself not FEEL?
And I'm not sure my brain works like it used to. I seem to not ever be really thinking about things. I mean I am functioning. I do the things you do, laundry, cooking, grocery shopping, shopping for clothes and other things one needs. But I don't think much deeper.
I'm not sure what is going on with me.
Stay tuned.

Off to Work at Last I Go at Least for a little while

2010-01-09T11:11:00.000-08:00

Ok, I finally got an interview and after much ado I got the job. And I am so grateful. Years ago I worked in an accounting office and prepared taxes and have somewhat kept up with the new laws as I've done my own and some of my friends and family member's taxes since then. Anyway, banking on that experience I applied for an opening for a tiny little accounting office here in town. She was a little Leary of me because the last time I did taxes for the public we did them by hand, no computers. And she's been burned before by people saying they knew what they were doing and then not even knowing what a 1040 form was or how to use a mouse. SO.......I was just honest and told her yes, it had been a while but that I just knew I could still do it. And so she's giving me a chance. It of course is just a seasonal job that will be over in April but I think it is a good stepping stone for a lot of reasons.
1. It gets me back into the work force kind of slow and easy.
2. I will meet new people which could even open doors to a permanent job.
3. If I do a good job for my boss I will now have a local person who will give me a reference because no one seems to be interest in calling my Georgia ones.
4. Preparing taxes is very good for one's mind and I need mine stimulated, lol.
And so.......I am happy and excited. Starting off at just a few days a week until tax season starts off and then away we'll go. And we won't come up for air until April 15th.
Love,
Robbin

GoodBye 2009

2009-12-31T10:43:00.000-08:00

This past year has not been a bad one for me but it has been more of a "bridge" to where I want to be. Physically I am where I want to be, with the people I want to be with. So that's a start. I'm hoping this year will bring the rest of what I need to survive and settle down again. I have great hopes for me and for YOU.
"Happy New Year" to you.
Love,
Robbin

2009-12-27T12:37:00.000-08:00

I've decided I like nothing better than the sound of the crunch of the frost as I walk across the grass in the park. Much to my dismay, no snow yet. But I'm still hoping it will come soon.
I hope you had a very nice Christmas. We did and all I can say is to finally be able to spend Christmas and Birthday with my Granddaughter has been the best gift I could ever get.
Things I've learned from my granddaughter since I've arrived have been numerous but right off the top of my head are these two little tidbits.
Just when you think you've lost all the joy and magic of Christmas, see it through a child's eyes. Even though every year more and more of her little friends tell her that Santa is not real, she is just not ready to give it up and her belief is so strong that a few times I thought I heard Santa's sleigh on Christmas Eve. Never stop believing because if you do you become a bitter person.
The other thing is this. Haleigh's Birthday is Decemeber 26th and I always hated that for her. I felt like she'd always get cheated on her birthday but here's the thing I've learned. She is not upset about it at all, instead it is a wonderful thing for her because when Christmas is over for everyone else she still has the day after to look forward to. It is just a continuation of her joy and that just blew me away. And I love that about her.

So, there you have it, my thoughts for the holidays, but wait, we're not done yet. We still have the New Year to look forward to, don't we?
Love to you,
Robbin

On a Clear Day

2009-12-10T10:22:00.000-08:00

There's something very refreshing about putting your little dog on her leash on a very bright and sunny day and the two of you going for a walk in the 18 degree weather. If you bundle up enough it is not bad at all. There's no wind, just sunshine, which will not last long so you learn to get it while you can. This has been our routine for the last few days. And on these nice sunny clear days, the mountains are so clear, so beautiful. I guess it is true, "On a Clear Day, you can see Forever." I wish my life was so clear to me.

I thought I was excited about blogging again. I guess I'm not. I am keeping a private journal because if I blogged what I was sometimes feeling it would make people think I'm nuts or really disturbed so I decided to keep things mostly to myself. You know, private thoughts that I must work out myself.

I don't really know how to be this new person I've become. So I'm learning slowly. I'm carrying a lot of guilt right now by not being independent and on my own. I'm wondering about and doubting decisions I've made. I don't know how to handle the stabbing pain in my heart that hits me from time to time without warning when I realize again that I've lost a child who is gone forever. I don't know how to stop saying "what if" and I don't know how to push myself to a new level.
And so I've still got a lot going on here that I've got to get through. And I will. Clearer days have got to be right around the corner as I refuse to miss out on the sun!

Long Legged Horses and Other Weird Stuff

2009-11-21T10:48:00.000-08:00

I had a dream last night that when I woke up this morning and looked out the door I saw a horse standing in the backyard. This was not a normal horse, this horse stood on very tall legs. I mean very tall legs, like 10 foot tall legs. The rest of his body was normal. It was strange. He just stared at me and I stared at him.
From a dream interpretation site it says this about dreaming of horses.....Horse
The horse is a lucky animal in dreams, suggesting the dreamer is in control of his/her life. If you dream of a runaway horse, you are scared by your own strong, passionate feelings. ummm, doesn't mention a long legged horse at all. I'm not going to even try and understand it.
AND...I just saw a commercial for the Wii with a cooking game. A cooking game? Why not really oook! It showed a little girl and her Mom and the little girl was plenty old enough to be really cooking. Oh well, I guess it saves calories but I can't imagine it being better than really cooking. Weird to me. But then again I guess it is no worse than watching the cooking network and never cooking at all, just watching them.
And I've just learned today that cats love to play with the little ring thing that is on a milk jug. And this is such a known fact that someone actually sells them for this reason. So there you have it.....Weird Saturday.
Hope your weekend is a good one.
Love,
Robbin

Finding a "New Normal"

2009-11-20T16:41:00.000-08:00

I've borrowed the phrase from someone who made a comment on Shirley's blog about one of her posts but it hit me as what I guess I'm looking for. And I've decided that I am way too hard on myself. I mean my life took on a huge change and maybe and only maybe when things are lined up just as they are supposed to be, then I will find a "new normal." And I'm guessing there is no set time for that. It happens when it happens. And not a minute before. In the meantime I am thankful for my kids who have enveloped me into their home and allowed me this time. How special is that?

L O S T

2009-11-12T16:21:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow will be two weeks since I had that one interview and I've not heard anything so I suppose I'm not getting a call back. And although I need a job badly, I didn't have all that good of vibes with that place so probably it is just not the job for me. So, I need some more leads.

I've had the hardest time for the last few months. I do not regret my move, I am exactly where I want to be. I am beginning to wish maybe I had transferred instead of just quitting my job, although at the time, I needed a break. I couldn't transfer and still live close to my family so that is why I didn't and like I said, at the time I really needed a break from working. But now I need a life. I have no place to be, no friends, nothing much of my own. I think I am slowly losing my mind.

Is there no place for me? Can I be happy? I guess only the future will tell.

On the bright side Haleigh and I have Saturday night together since her parents have plans and this is what I've wanted for so long, to be able to just spend time with her. I think we'll have a rummy tournament and h'orderves! So there, I have that to look forward to and that is a LOT!

Sorry for the depressing post, just feeling a little lost at the moment. I know things will work out just as they are suppose to, this is not my first experience with being lost. Seems to be the theme of my life.

What's on TV?

2009-11-10T09:54:00.000-08:00

My grandmother made the best caramel cake ever and I've not thought about it in years until this morning when there it was.........on the Today Show. I recognized it by looks alone before they ever told what is was, and the kicker is....some southern lady makes them and ships them everywhere, she's made it into a business! If only my Grandmother had thought of that she'd have been rich!
I've really got to wean myself from the TV. I'm really quite sick of it yet I can't seem to look away. I can't seem to turn it off, it sucks me right up and I'm lost in Day time talk shows, my soap, and night time Dancing with the Stars and The Biggest Loser and........oh so many shows. It's driving me nuts!
The thing about TV is that you can waste hours in front of it and (in most cases) afterwards not really be any wiser than you were. Even if you watch the news, you just get depressed.
OH, I've got to go, The View just came on......

Not So Much Going On with Me

2009-11-08T12:17:00.000-08:00

My walks with Sweetie lately have meant wearing a "real" coat, not just a hoodie. And I kept some of my knit hats from my hairless days and they are feeling pretty good too. It feels good to me still. I like it.
Quiet around here this weekend as little Haleigh is sick with a cold and has spent most of her time curled up on the couch. I hope she feels better soon.
We start a new week and maybe this will be my week when something happens.
Hope your week is a good one,
Love,
Robbin

News from Lake Webogan

2009-11-05T09:23:00.000-08:00

Ok, really from Cordele Ga. but it sounded a lot like a Garrison Keillor story from A Prarie Home Companion show.
Today is my mother's 72 birthday so a call was in order. I'd gotten an email earlier informing me to call her on her cell phone as she wasn't at home and in the email she told me exactly what time to call her because my stepfather would be taking her out for dinner since I wasn't there to cook her birthday meal or her cake. And she said, "I guess that's my fault for having one child so boohooboohoo." That made me feel, ah, I'm not sure how that made me feel. I've often wished she'd had another child as well to take some of the pressure off of me.

My Aunt Betty who is unemployed and only lives on her social security is taking her to lunch today only she can't afford to pay for my mother's lunch so she'll have to pay for her own.

We talked a minute about my job hunting and I was told that my cousin who had gotten fired earlier from her job because her little son had used her work lap top had just landed a job with Walmart making 60 thousand as an assistant manager. I'm happy for her, she supports her family, her husband has always been the house husband, (she likes it that way). Anyway she has to dress up for work and wear dress shoes and her feet were hurting and who knows how long that will last.

My mother over sees a KOA campground and had to fire the family that worked for her there so she'd taken up the slack but she's hired some people. She asked for prayers at church for employees so one woman's granddaughter's husband needed a job and then another lady had a daughter who is working. My mother loves them both, which she always does love the new people she hires........for about two weeks. We'll see how this goes.

And it goes on and on. 72 years old and going strong. She is really amazing. And that's the news from home.
Happy Birthday Mama.

Paint it Black

2009-11-03T12:12:00.001-08:00

Really dark and odd colored fingernail polish did not appeal to me for a long time but all of a sudden I like them. I read where the rule is if you wear dark colors your nails should be short, never long. I'm not wearing black yet but I do have a pretty dark red on right now that is pretty to me. These days I have to find different ways to entertain myself you see. The problem with that is things that entertain me cost money. I need to watch how I spend my money until I get a job. Of course there are free things too. Like a walk in the park. Like an evening with my grandchild, now that's entertainment!

I'm reading again which makes me really happy as I've always gotten so much enjoyment out of a good book. Right now I'm reading "Her Fearful Symmetry" which is a little weird but holding my attention pretty well. The author is the same who wrote The Time Traveler's Wife if you read that one or if you plan to see the movie. She's a good story teller. The Time Traveler's Wife is one of my favorite all time books.

And those are all my thoughts for today, pretty sad huh? Oh well, sometimes life is like that.

We'll Sing in the Sunshine

2009-11-02T09:48:00.000-08:00

The sun is shining so brightly this morning that you can not NOT smile when you look outside. My goodness what a beautiful morning it is at this moment. Of course it is a little chilly, my Internet weather thingie says it is 45 but 45 here and 45 in Georgia really feels so different to me. Here in Washington it is a clean, clear, fresh, refreshing feeling. In Georgia it is a wet dark cold! Ask me again in a few weeks and my story may change.

Sweetie and I have yet to go for our walk but as soon as I get my bath and get dressed, off we'll go. She's on a time clock and starts begging to go out around the same time every morning. I've had coffee and Cinnamon toast and I'm all set and so another week we'll start.

Hello November

2009-11-01T09:41:00.001-08:00

Oh November, here you are again. Why it seems like just a little while ago that I saw you last. This year I will be with my kids for Thanksgiving where I've wanted to be for a while. I am glad for that but still I find myself not so excited about the upcoming holidays. I don't know why. But I'm going to try to look forward to Thanksgiving because I have much to be thankful for.

Matthew absolutely loves Christmas so maybe this year his love for the season will rub off on me. I've not had the Christmas spirit for a long time and I really hate that.

Oh Dear November, bring me a job so that maybe by the first of the year I can find my own little home. Help me find a way to give of myself to someone who needs something I have to give.

Hoping your November is a good one,
Love,
Robbin

Happy Halloween

2009-10-31T10:04:00.000-07:00

This is my granddaughter, the zombie pirate. Pretty scarry huh?

My interview went well I thought and they are of course going to interview some other people and then do call backs. I also dropped off my resume at another optical office that is in need of employees so maybe I'll hear from them too. At least I had an interview and that made me feel like something was happening.

So far this morning I'm stuck in front of the TV. Having all these channels is new to me remember and since it is Halloween there are all kinds of shows on spooky stuff. I'm not a big spooky movie person but I do get interested in paranormal stuff.

The sun is shining beautifully and I need to get myself outside for a nice long walk. Not working and having bunches of TV channels and a TV in my room is not so good for one's weight. I need to move my butt!

Anyway, not much else going on. Hope your day is a good one.
Love,
Robbin

At Last

2009-10-29T14:12:00.000-07:00

At last I have a real bonafide interview! I am beside myself with excitement. It was an ad for an optician that I answered by fax a few weeks ago. I believe it is only part time with the opportunity to go full time and that is ok by me for now. I need benefits and all that but we'll take one step at the time since it has been so hard to even get asked for an interview. Times are hard and competition. Of course if somebody will give me a chance I can show them just how wonderful I am. (I'm trying to keep my confidence up which I've misplaced in the last year or so.)
SO we'll see if this is meant to be.

If you've not figured it out so far, I'm trying to title each of my posts after a song. So far it's been pretty easy. And just recently I've become a real Etta James fan so At Last was in my head. It's because I watched the movie Cadillac Records the other night.

Waiting for Wednesday

2009-10-28T09:32:00.000-07:00

It's Wednesday and that means a few things around here. Haleigh has "early release" from school on Wednesday, which cracks me up. Sounds like she's being let out of prison early since she has been a good girl. I prefer to call it the day school lets out a few hours earlier but she always corrects me. So YAY! Today's early release day for Haleigh! It is her favorite day of the week for sure.

Also on Wednesdays she has a late dance class and so it has become my day to cook dinner and have it ready when her and her mom get home.(Matthew is working a shift now where he is not home for dinner with us). Tonight I've decided we're having just good old hamburgers and macaroni salad. I seem to look forward to Wednesdays as it seems to be a day I can make myself useful. I don't feel very useful these days but being able to plan a mean and cook it helps.

I was thinking of how things are different for me in little ways since I've moved to this new and strange part of the world. The biggest, well maybe not the biggest, is having to put a leash on Sweetie to walk her instead of just opening the door and letting her out for a while. AND I have to have a little bag with me at all times when we walk. The first time I took that little bad out and picked up her poop she looked at me like I was nuts. Now it is old hat to her.

Another thing is learning new weather terms and new phrases, like mountain passes and snow in the mountains. Also learning that the weather literally can change as you speak and sometimes the early morning is not the coldest part of the day. The weather is quite interesting to me here. I have noticed the weathermen can't predict it as well as the southern ones can. Something to do with the mountains and all the water and things I don't understand.

The ferries are one of my favorite things. To get almost anywhere you can and sometimes have to take ferries. You can drive on or walk on. I love the ferries.

Hope your Wednesday is going well.

Love,

Robbin

What's Happening at Our House

2009-10-26T19:46:00.000-07:00

We've discovered that you can take these two ingredients and make the best chocolate muffins in the world. Well, to me they are, I like them a lot and this cuts the calories in half. With the low sugar box of cake mix it makes them even more better. YOU must try this. I promise you will like them.

Amy bought the coolest vintage whistling teapot but..................

....... It really and truly upsets the dogs, they go nuts. This is Sam going "OH MAKE IT STOP!"

And Ozzie goes on automatic guard duty, he is ready to attack!!

They stay on alert for a long time after the whistling has stopped.

But after awhile when he is sure the threat is gone............

He conks out and relaxes until we have our next cups of tea.

That's Life

2009-10-25T20:10:00.000-07:00

I read with interest a little bit ago on the site of this state's labor department of a nice little retail job in a book store. AH HA, I love books, I have all the experience to handle this one but then I noticed one little problem. It's an ADULT book store. I DON'T THINK that would work for me. Darn it!

Haleigh and I have had some interesting conversations today, one being that I think the honeymoon of having her grandmother living here is over. She says when I just came to visit I always had something for her and I let her do whatever she asks and I never said no to her. Ummm, I guess life is tough like that. I told her I'd move out again way far and only visit again if she thought that was best and she said...."NO!!! that's not what I meant!" I know what she means, it is very different but in a good way. And anyway she still has another grandmother in Georgia that can do her that way. Me, I get to be the mean grandmother now but maybe she'll have good memories of me like I do of my grandmother that I got to spend some summers with when I was little. She'd come stay with us for the summer and I still have memories of some of our experiences and conversations. I can only hope.

I like the weather as it gets colder. We'll see how I fare with the winters here but something tells me I'll do fine. If it snows I'll just keep myself at home! Hope you have a good week,
Love,
Robbin

That's life
That's what all the people say
You're riding high in April
You're shot down in May
I know I'm gonna change that tune
When I'm back on top in June

I say that's life
& as funny as it may seem
Some people get their kicks
Stompin' on your dreams
But I don't let it, let it get me down
'Cause this fine ol' world keeps spinning 'round

I've been a puppet, a pauper, a pirate,
A poet, a pawn & a king
I've been up & down & over & out
But I know one thing
Each time I find myself, flat on this face
I pick myself up & get back in the race

That's life
I can't deny it
I thought of quitting, baby
This heart wasn't gonna buy it
And if I didn't think it was worth one single try
I'd jump right on a big bird & then I'd fly

I've been a puppet, a pauper, a pirate,
A poet, a pawn & a king
I've been up & down & over & out
And I know one thing
Each time I find myself flat on my face
I pick myself up & get back in the race

That's life
That's life & I can't deny it
Many times I thought of cutting out
But my heart won't buy it
But if there's nothing shakin' come this here July
I'm gonna roll
I'm gonna roll
I'm gonna roll myself up in a big ball & die
Can't deny it
That's life

Sung by Frank Sinatra
Written by Kay Gordon

Time, time, time

2009-10-23T19:57:00.000-07:00

When I was younger I felt like I always lived for the future. It seemed all I ever did was dream of better days to come. And then for the last few years I decided to live in the moment. One day at a time. Reason being I suppose is that I wasn't sure how much of a future I had. But now it seems I am back to living for the future or at least dreaming of moving on with my life in this new beautiful place I've chosen to live. I dream of just the perfect little place that is my own. I dream of a good job with good co workers. I dream of having a place by or
near the water or at least with a mountain view. I dream of decorating it and being surrounded by only the things I love. Maybe I've confused living for the future and having dreams. I think I have realized that I need dreams, I need
to be able to have something to look forward to, to think about when I lie down to sleep. And maybe I've realized that just because I hope for something in the future doesn't mean I can't enjoy and appreciate what I have today,
at this moment in time. And I have to remember my favorite passage from the bible.

"To everything there is a season,a time for every purpose under the sun.A time to be born and a time to die;a time to plant and a time to pluck up that which is planted;a time to kill and a time to heal ...a time to weep and a time to laugh;a time to mourn and a time to dance ...a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing;a time to lose and a time to seek;a time to rend and a time to sew;a time to keep silent and a time to speak;a time to love and a time to hate;a time for war and a time for peace." Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

So I suppose dreaming of where I'd like to be in the future is not necessarily not living in this moment. Life is always progressing, ever changing and like whoever wrote the book of Ecclesiastes says, "To everything there is a season" and I look forward to what each time holds for me. It's what keeps me interested in life. I'm just nosy enough to want to find out what will happen next. And that's how you know you're not depressed when you have things to look forward to.

Keeping the Faith

2009-10-23T10:42:00.000-07:00

What is the matter with these people around here? Don't they know what a good employee I'd be? Why I stayed at my last job for nearly 15 years and the time before that for over ten. I wish I could at least snag an interview. I know the economy is bad and people are losing their jobs but HELLO out there, I need a job! I've faith it will happen when it is suppose to. But like I said, it would be nice to at least get an interview.

It's a beautiful shade of gray here today, matches my mood and that's ok. It's just a gray mood and not that veil of depression that can creep upon me. It's funny how I've learned to know that difference. When it finally lifted I felt it physically leave me. It stuck around for quite awhile and just when I thought I was going to have to get some help it left me. I hope it keeps away!

A Life Lesson from Nature

2009-10-22T10:55:00.000-07:00

One of the things I love about this room of mine is the big double window. For the last few days I've watched with interest as one of those big spiders wove her web right on the outside in my view . It's one of those really cool webs we've all seen, perfect and amazing in design. Once she was done with it, she works constantly to make sure it stays perfect. I've watched her catch her dinner in her web and I've watched her crawl around checking for loose treads and repairing them.

The other day I saw that a big red leaf had blown right into her web and got stuck. Suddenly she appeared out what seemed like nowhere and just stared for a while at the leaf. If was like she was in shock that this had happened to her web. I watched to see what she'd do if anything and sure enough after a little while she ran in a spider like way to the leaf and started working around the intruder and finally disconnected it. But it only fell a little bit further down the web and got stuck again. Without hesitation this time she crawled down and worked to disconnect it again only for the same thing to happen. I could almost see her frustration but she didn't stop, she kept working until finally the leaf was gone. But then she had work to do for every time she'd scrambled to get the leaf loose she'd destroyed a section of the web. She seemed to rest a few minutes and then she set off to work to repair her world. And she did too, before long all was just like it had been before that big red leaf came crashing in.

Now there's a life lesson in this if you choose to see it which I do. Sometimes these little lessons about life come in strange ways.

Soap Operas, Racing Heart & Why are my oranges from Australia?

2009-10-21T14:03:00.001-07:00

As stated before I need a job. Reason number thirty six is because I'm addicted and absorbed and obsessed with Days of Our Lives. I want Sami to know that Nicole has her baby so badly I could just jump right into the TV and tell her, shake her, yell at her! The urge is hard to ignore.
And apparently chemo can cause heart problems of which I have developed in the form of A-fib. It is a long story of which perhaps I will share soon but right now I just sort of have it on the back burner until I see the cardiologist again in December. I've told nobody about this outside of this house and one other person simply because I figure they are tired of hearing of my tragedies. I AM tired of having them for sure. So, anyway, since I'm on Wafarin which is a blood thinner, I have to go to have that checked every week or so and I go to a nearby town of Silverdale. I like to go to the stores there to buy fruit but lately the fruit everywhere looks bad, I guess it is in between seasons. Apples and Pears are lovely but the oranges and grapefruits looks bad. I bought some navel oranges that looked ok and when I got home I realized they are from Australia! WHAT THE HECK??? I'm not so far from California, why can't I have California oranges? Or even Florida would be wonderful, why do we have to get fruit from other countries?? It disturbs me greatly.

AND last but not least, Haleigh and I made terrariums this summer(or maybe I should say last summer) and the African Violet is blooming again in mine. I'm really excited because I've never been able to make any plant live much less BLOOM.

And that is my story for today.
Love,
Robbin

A New Start

2009-10-20T20:29:00.000-07:00

My heart and soul can't go too long without an outlet to "out" in if you know what I mean. So here I am again, back in blog world. For a while there I wasn't really in the mood to share much after my big move. I tried for a while but it became a chore to me. I was having to deal with deep dark thoughts, I was getting used to my new surroundings and for a while there I was afraid I was done with blogging. But alas here I am again. I'm a different person really and ready to share with whomever might happen to stop by.

So, my blog has a new look, my thoughts are sharper and almost clear and I'm ready to write. The biggest thing I have going right now is I WANT A JOB! I have cabin fever and I'm ready to get out into the world. I NEED A JOB! Not just for the obvious reasons of food and shelter but because I need to feel like I'm contributing something to the world. So that is what we'll explore for a while. If I could just snag ONE little interview I'd be really happy.
SO stay tuned.

I'm Alive and Well

2009-07-31T23:50:00.000-07:00

Hi there. My blogger friend Marge from Road Sage was worried about me and asked me to let everyone know I'm ok. I am ok.

Since Haleigh's been out of school I keep very busy. And I'm a little tired of blogging, it is true. I've seen bloggers do that and delete their blogs and that is that but I won't do that as this blog records my life through thick and thin for the last few years and I know myself well enough to know I'll be back to it soon. SO don't give up on me.

What is happening with me is just what I hoped would happen. I am beginning to gain a little confidence in myself again. When life beats you up a bit, you get a little unsure of yourself and everything and everyone around you.

Also I lost my passion for life for a while there. Still that's not all back but I do see hope for that to return.

I'm healing and I am living with a family where we all love each other very much and life is good.

So Marge, I am ok. I am better than ok, I am just doing what I want, when I want, where I want. I've never been able to do that!

I am healing and growing and will soon be ready to go back into the world because I have to work, and I want to as well.

I am still reading my favorite blogs.

So, there you have it.

I'll be back,

Love,

Robbin

P.S. I'm back to making jewelry and I'm posting some of the pieces so far. I've some ideas on selling it so stay tuned!

The Sound of Silence

2009-07-08T08:37:00.000-07:00

This is the first morning I've awaken in nearly four months not hearing the footsteps and voice of a certain little girl. Haleigh and her mom left for their Georgia vacation last night and are safely there now as I type. SO it is just Matthew and me for the next two weeks. He will be working and so mostly it is just me on my own, with my little dog Sweetie of course. I have lots to keep me busy today. I've got dishes to do and laundry and I need to go to the grocery store so today will fly by. After that , we'll see.
It is a time for some self reflection and time to think about what I want to do in the future. After all, I can't pretend to be an eight year old forever. But for now it sure is fun.
Hope you all have a good week,
Love,
Robbin

Hello There

2009-07-06T16:22:00.000-07:00

I have to admit that I've fallen victim to Facebook and in doing so my blog suffers. Although I don't post so much there, it is easy to keep up with my family and friends there and I always have a Scrabble game going and I play a couple of other games there that takes up time that I probably used to use on my blog. Also it is easy to just put a short status on the Facebook page instead of writing a post on the blog. But tis the way of the world I guess, it is constantly changing and we are always moving on to something different.
I'm not going to give up the blog just yet but recently my heart has just not been into it and you know how that goes.
Tomorrow Haleigh and Amy leave for their two week vacation to Georgia. I am going to so miss them. Haleigh has become my shadow since school has let out. Yesterday she and I beached combed and found lots of good stuff to look at and to bring back home with us. AND then she painted my nails. Florescent green with hot pink tips and a pink polka dot on each one!

Too funny. She is so much fun. And for now I'm soaking up all the time I can get because in a few years she won't have too much time for me I know.
AND my biggest best news is that in a little over a week my friend Tammy that I've not met in person is coming to visit family here in my town and she and I will get to spend time together and I am so so so excited! I can't wait. Tammy has been my inspiration and I met her here when I needed her the most. She was with me through the chemo and the grieving. Once she had my phone number she'd call me just when I was needing to hear from someone. She made me know how strong I was, she shared her own thoughts and feelings with me, she was just there for me when other people weren't. And so meeting her is going to be so wonderful because at last I can give her that hug I've been wanting to for a year now!

Happy July 4th!

2009-07-04T23:12:00.000-07:00

I have a thing for old pick up trucks so I snapped this one today while on the Suquamish Indian Reservation.

As an observer of people and someone who has a love for Native American culture I treasure anytime I get to go to a reservation. There is a calmness, a carefree attitude there yet the respect for all living things shines through.

We visited this place, Rain Bear Studio

The lady that owns the place was very colorful and interesting. She was not Native American but Canadian. And her name was Rainey Daze, I kid you not! I enjoyed visiting her studio and promised to come back and visit again when I get back into making jewelry again.
I had a good day today. I hope you did too!

Just Stuff

2009-06-27T18:46:00.000-07:00

Man has it been rough in the entertainment field this week. We lost Ed Mcmahon, Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson. That was a pretty big hit, famous people wise I'd say.
Here at our house the big news is that I taught Haleigh how to play the card game rummy and she is now obsessed with it and has learned it so well that she is beating the heck out of me almost every time!
Amy got interested in the Twilight story and is now finishing up the last of the books. There were four of them I think.
And Matthew is working a second job as security at a Rodeo. He left not too long ago in his cowboy garb looking like a true cowboy!
Amy and I decided since there was not a man to feed tonight we wouldn't cook, just eat what we wanted of what we already have. Women can do that you know.
And that is about all that is going on around here at the moment.
Haleigh has a spend the night guest so I'm off the hook as far as rummy is concerned at the moment.
Amy is reading, Haleigh is entertaining and I'm watching TV, all is well in our world.

I'm Still Here

2009-06-24T14:57:00.000-07:00

I'm not so in to blogging lately. You know how that goes. Sometimes you have lots to say and sometimes you just don't.

Nothing too exciting going on with me lately. Haleigh is out of school and two days a week it is just the two of us until her parents come home from work. We've had fun so far.

Yesterday the tide was way out and we donned our rubber boots and beached combed. We found huge star fish and what maybe was jelly fish and big crabs and crab parts and big sheets of green slimy sea weed.

Also I've been making muffins. I'm glad this family shares my love of muffins. Today we have Raspberry Lemon muffins and Orange muffins.

In a few weeks Amy and Haleigh will leave for their visit to Georgia. They'll be gone for two weeks. Man will I miss them.

All is well. I am not missing those hot days in Georgia. I still have days when I just want to cry and cry and Jonathan's birthday is Sunday. For a year I've not allowed my brain to concentrate on the moment when that trigger was pulled. Lately that's what I tend to go to. I worry that he felt it and hurt, I worry that he regretted it the moment he did it. I try to stay away from those thoughts but it occurred to me that maybe I need to think it all through to be able to move forward but it hurts too badly.

ANYHOW......enough of that. My life is full of laughter and sunshine and salt water and ocean smells and is filled with love from the people I live with. WHO could ask for anything more? I do wish to find a friend though, someone my age, another woman to talk to. Guess I have to get out in to the world for that to happen huh? ALL in good time.

Hope you are all well.
Love,
Robbin

2009-06-19T08:53:00.000-07:00

I got to do some more exploring yesterday and take a look at this gate we saw going to some
one's house. I think I'd really like these people. Very unique for sure!

Beauty Surrounds Me

2009-06-17T09:02:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I got to go to a little town called Port Townsend. We had lunch at Fins and this was our view while we ate outside. It was a pretty day and I had a wonderful time.

I love the drive to almost anywhere we go because you never know what you'll see. Maybe you will come around a corner and there will be mountains! Or there are rolling green pastures with cattle, sheep, buffalo, or alpacas. And always there is water, maybe the canal, maybe the sound, maybe a river, you never know, but it is a constant.

When I was a little girl and we'd get new calendars for the new year I'd look at the pictures of places that didn't look real to me. Now I'm living in those pictures!

The Garden is Growing

2009-06-15T17:34:00.000-07:00

BEFORE>.........NOW.........

Tomatoes and Squash coming soon!

Pure Love

2009-06-07T21:14:00.000-07:00

Today I got to attend my first ever dance recital. It occurred to me that I'd never ever seen a dance recital before, let alone a ballet. Raising little boys didn't take me to things like that. We mostly attended baseball games and football games. I did get to go to a few spelling B's.

The program was Peter Pan. Every age group was included from the tiny little toddlers to the teens. Haleigh was one of the parrots and I am truly not being bias when I tell you that in her little group of five girls she stood out as the best. Really! I promise.

My love for this little girl just gets stronger and stronger. If for no other reason this big move of mine has been worth it just to be with her. She is so amazing and though I've missed a lot, I'm entering her life at such a wonderful time. A time when she is still a fun loving, silly little girl but at the same time she is learning who she is going to be. The love I receive in return is as pure and beautiful as anything I've ever known.

I lived alone for a long time and missed the human touch. Only recently have I realized this. It is so natural for this wild child to ease her wiry body on to my lap, to give me a hug for no reason or to crawl in bed with me just to cuddle and giggle.

Sometimes on the weekends she and her parents go a few houses down to the neighbors to socialize and eat with their friends. I choose to stay home but that concerns Haleigh. Each time they go she'll ask me if I am sure I'm Ok with staying home alone and I'll say "Yes, Grandma likes to be by herself sometimes." and she'll say "I completely understand" but it is not unusual for her to come back home a few times to check on me. It makes me smile.

The other day she had worked on building her own bird's nest. Her father and I were sitting on the deck, her father reading something when she came to him and asked him if he wanted to come and see the nest. He told her he couldn't right then so she asked me and I said "Sure I want to see it." Without missing a beat she turned to her father and said, "SEE! That's why I have a Grandma!" And so it's true, that is why she has a grandma! I don't won't to miss another thing!

Sunday on the Run

2009-06-07T08:56:00.000-07:00

Every one's pretty busy today. Matthew is playing a double header baseball game and Haleigh has a dance recital. I'm excited about the recital, it is Peter Pan and Haleigh is one of the parrots.
We are going to put a turkey breast in the crock pot and make some potato salad before we go and hopefully meet up for supper together. We'll see how that goes.
So, happy Sunday to you. Hope you have a good day.
Love,
Robbin

Grateful Thoughts

2009-06-04T09:48:00.001-07:00

This is the tree I spoke of yesterday, so yes, Shirley, it is blooming and it smells wonderful which is what caused us to notice it more probably.
It is nice and I am so fortunate to be able to notice trees blooming, and spring smells and to bird watch. It is this time in my life I do not take for granted. I am lucky as not everyone, I know, would be able to take this sabbatical.
Each day I grow a little stronger and a little more like myself. And though life will never be the same, there is a life for me.
The chemo left me with no feeling in my feet or hands. Now it is only in the tip of my toes and fingers. The death of my child left me dull to the feelings of passion toward things I'd loved before. I feel that lifting some and I have faith that will continue to improve.
I do know had I not been able to be where I am at this point things would be not so good. So for this I am grateful.

Just Checking In

2009-06-03T08:25:00.000-07:00

I can't believe I've not posted since Saturday but nothing blog worthy has happened and the week is half over. I've been reading out on the deck, we've bird watched in the afternoons and just enjoyed what feels like summer weather although it's not yet.

We did spend over an hour last night trying to research and idenify a tree in the backyard. That was fun and when we finally did figure out what it was we had to read all about it. Turns out it is an Acacia tree.

I need to do my laundry today, it could wait until tomorrow, so we'll see.
Hope your day is a good one.
Love,
Robbin

Lucky Girl Am I !

2009-05-30T15:44:00.000-07:00

Have you ever owned something that you liked so much that all you could do was to stare at it and touch it and admire it? A few weeks back Marge over at Road Sage had a giveaway and I won! It's one of her handmade totes and I got to choose the color and it arrived today. It is as lovely as I knew it would be but it is so special to me because of where it came from and who made it. Marge has been an inspiration for me for a long time now and she has stuck with me through thick and thin. Thank you Marge, for everything. I LOVE IT and YOU too!

A Picnic in the Park

2009-05-30T14:22:00.000-07:00

Haleigh and I took advantage of this fine weather and had a picnic in the park. We packed a basket with bologna on white bread with mayo, some dill pickles and our favorite chips, some iced raspberry green tea (which is our favorite at the moment) and off we went. Oh, and also Pumpkin chocolate chip muffins.
We made daisy chains (which she taught me to do by the way) and read poetry and sang and she serenaded me with her harmonica. And we were visited by squirrels.

And we laughed and we giggled and had such a good time.

That Darn Curiosity Plague

2009-05-29T22:40:00.000-07:00

The weather has been so nice this week. It's funny to me because it's been nearly eighty degrees and people think it is HOT! I'm not so far from memories of Georgia's hot days to even think that. Hot is when it is 96 degrees and the humidity is way up there and you can bake cookies on the hood of your car around four o'clock in the afternoon.

Because it has been so nice we take advantage of it when we can and eat supper on the deck. We are enjoying the new plants, the new grass, the bird feeders and all that we are surrounded with.

Occasionally a neighbor cat will happen by, creeping through the yard. Tonight, just as I put a bite of cole slaw in my mouth a solid black cat passed through the yard and without missing a beat Haleigh proclaims, "That's a black cat, I thought curiosity killed all of those!" I nearly choked. She is so funny sometimes I can't stand it! None of us said anything, she just said it so seriously!

I also got to attend my first school function with her this week. Her school performed a musical called "Go Galileo" and it was so cute and she did great. And I was one proud Grandma sitting there watching her sing and dance her little heart out.

Adventures in the Backyard

2009-05-26T20:52:00.000-07:00

Amy and Matthew went to the book store and bought books. They bought this one for me. So, I've read a lot of it today outside on the deck over looking the backyard.
They also bought this book....
....because Amy bought these....

And we are doing a lot of this. We have to be able to idenify the birds!

While at the ocean this past weekend we collected rocks. This is our white collection along with one small black pebble.

Doesn't it look so very Zen? I arranged them on a tray.

I'm going to keep them on my window sill. For inspiration.
Matthew also found this stone. It is heart shaped, can you tell? A Stone Heart and a sign to us.
He decided to put it in Amy's Flower Bed. I like that a lot.
The simple things in life are the best! They are what make me smile. They make me know like is worth living.

Here are two quotes from my new book.

"Even when he travels far, he is not separate from his own true nature." (Tao Te Ching)

"The motion of nature is cyclic and returning." (Tao Te Ching)